Right before my final weekend for the 200hr training with Pranakriya, my brother passed away unexpectedly.
I remember sitting with my family, unable to process the news, and unsure of what the next right step was. In those initial moments after loss it’s impossible to find stable ground underneath your feet. It was a constant emotional swing between sadness, frustration, and denial clouded in the constant “whys”.
Why my brother?
He was so young, why now?
Why didn’t anyone stop him?
Why am I so angry with him?
That last one weighed heavy in my heart.
And so, while I knew there were opportunities to graduate later, and not sit in front of everyone feeling broken….
I also needed a safe space to say “this is why I’m angry”.
Through the months spent training with Pranakriya our group built a beautiful community. Each of us bonded through shared experiences, on and off the yoga mat, inside training and out in the “real” world we lived in every day. A truly unique space in its ability to get us to be our most vulnerable, most authentic, messy, imperfect but also magnificent human selves.
I knew, even with how unbelievably heavy my heart felt, that was the space it needed to be in.
By the end of the weekend, the most powerful experience for me wasn’t being handed my certificate, doing well in the final practice teach or knowing that I’d accomplish so many hours of dedicated work.
It was being able to sit, circled by my community, and say: I’m grieving, I’m angry. I feel lost.
I was allowed to experience what it felt like to speak those emotions out loud without fear of judgement.
The mission of Pranakriya is to share the deep practices of Tantric Hatha yoga to enrich the community and help others create a path towards being fully alive on and off the yoga mat. And while in the midst of grief, it is often easier to avoid feeling, it is with the support of this community that I was able to start the process of healing.
Because without experiencing aliveness, in it’s good, bad or neutral forms, healing is impossible.
So what does the Pranakriya community mean to me?
It is a truly loving, supportive and irreplaceable part of my life.
As I continue to journey through grief, I rely heavily on all I’ve learned and continue to learn through Pranakriya. I practice, read and study the lessons offered to me and lean on this amazing community as I travel my path towards healing.
I rely on the continued support and love from those I trained with, those I’ve met since, and everyone in Pranakriya who has shared their wisdom, love and support.
About the Author:
Chelsea Rausch is a 200hr teacher with Pranakriya, currently teaching in the North Wales area. Her hope is to help students find their yoga practices off their yoga mat as well as in the studio.
When not studying yogic philosophy, she can be found knitting, painting or happily lost in nature. You can contact Chelsea at: firstname.lastname@example.org